"Johnny Cash"

The first few months in Salmon were tough for me. I didn’t like all the peace and quiet, for one thing. I was used to trains, traffic, and a few jets flying overhead. Salmon was full of serenity with birds singing and the river flowing in the distance. It took me awhile before I could get a full night’s sleep.
I missed my friends, Robby and Dougy. Leaving them behind in Boise to fend for themselves against the mean older neighborhood boys was difficult for me. I missed picking them up each morning to go find some new adventures. I had a hard time adjusting to the new lifestyle in Salmon. I had to construct a new way to approach each day. My old routines and habits of my Boise life were not possible on our little ranch in Salmon.

I spent time with Danny who lived down the highway about a hundred yards. I would follow the fence line down to his house, ask if he could play, and we would climb on the roof of our shed, play in our barns, or wherever we could find something fun to do. Ricky and Mikey went to school all day, so until the afternoon, we had the whole wide-open place to ourselves.

My sister Julie hung around when I would let her. She was mom’s project at that time–the only pupil in Birdie’s finishing school. Apparently Julie wasn’t quite feminine enough for mom’s tastes, so she had to walk around the house with a book on her head in order to, as mom said, “learn to be graceful.” She also got her hair done for Sundays and had to practice “sitting like a lady.”

I don’t think mom expected to have a tomboy to raise and she really didn’t know what to do about it. Julie just didn’t buy into all the girl stuff at that time, and that drove mom crazy. She would wear a dress to church and would walk with a book on her head only because mom made her do those things. But as far as I could tell, she could throw a rock as far as any boy my age, run as fast, and yell as loud. She was a good pal to hang around with most of the time.

It was about that time that Julie began to have an identity crisis. She became Johnny Cash. Without warning, she would grab a tennis racket, put her foot up on something, and start strumming the racket as if it was a guitar as she sang, ‘I Walk the Line’ and ‘How High’s the Water, Momma?’ I figured everyone has to have a role to play and living in this little country town with a quirky name like Salmon, why not be Johnny Cash? If she could keep up, she was welcome to play with the boys as long as she didn’t break into song at the wrong time. That wouldn’t be cool!

One day, I met Danny at his house. We hung around for awhile playing trucks in the dirt when he announced that we should take up smoking. I figured that would be great! He disappeared into his house for a few minutes, and then suddenly emerged with two cigarettes and a handful of matches. I got excited at the prospects of entering some forbidden territory and breaking some rules. Something about smoking was just really intriguing to me and I couldn’t wait to give it a try. I suppose it was like the forbidden fruit. Mom and Dad warned all of us kids against puffing on those things. Actually, I really hadn’t thought how fun it might be until they brought it up, even though I’d seen plenty of commercials on TV enticing me to give it a try.

We sat in his mother’s vegetable garden, right in the middle of the tall corn patch, and tried to light-up. I had a hard time getting my cigarette to light. I didn’t understand the concept. When I did get the hang of it, I inhaled all that “Marlboro” had to offer and instantly felt sick to my stomach as I coughed and sputtered. I couldn’t admit that things were really getting bad though, because the advertisements I’d seen had everyone really enjoying these things. All the real men on TV smoked, including one of my heroes, Jerry Lewis.

When I got to the point I couldn’t take it anymore, I informed Danny that I had to go home. The moment I walked in the door, mom was calling my name. Strolling into the living room–the location where I heard her voice, I found her lying on the couch taking a rest.

“What have you been doing, Jeff?”

“Oh, me and Danny were just playing,” I said.

“Were you over there smoking?” she suddenly asked without hesitation. She spoke with authority, more like a statement than a question.

“No, mom! We were just playing.”

“Jeff, you’re lying to me,” she declared.

I could see the gig was up and trying to weasel out of this was not going to be easy. With mom around, it was impossible to get away with anything. I knew nothing about “motherly intuition.” But I did know that I couldn’t do anything bad without her figuring it out somehow, and that was really troubling to me. And, on top of that, every time I did flirt with ‘criminal’ behavior, I was reminded that Heavenly Father was watching me every second and He was not happy! That was a lot of pressure on a kid. Feeling compelled to please God and mom was a huge undertaking. At least He didn’t threaten to “get the paddle” every time things got out of hand.

“You go to your room and don’t come out till I tell you to,” she demanded. “You sit in there and think about what you’ve done wrong! Smoking is bad, Jeff, and you need to learn that!”

I already knew it was bad! My gut was wrenching and I felt sick. As I walked to my room, I reflected on the whole situation. In my adolescent mind, I figured Heavenly Father had tipped her off to my misdeeds. There was no other way she could have known. I mused there was no way I was going to be able to get away with anything if He was constantly letting her know what I was up to.

The fact that my face was a deep shade of green and I smelled like a Marlboro smoke stack was two bits of evidence that were completely lost on me.